It’s hitting me. Again. This feeling of being overwhelmed. By the mass of information coming at me. Green facts, and comments on not so green facts. It seems that everyone’s got things to say, to report, an initiative they are working on, participating in, a cool article they found, that somebody else wrote. There is conflicting data coming from various fronts, about the doom coming, or not coming. Organizations are trying to organize, into communities of souls, scattered over the land. Al Gore’s got something up his sleeve, but we don’t know what. Could be more green and that’s it, or more green with a political twist. Environmental news are coming every minute on the feed. I am feeling dizzy, anxious, tired, uneasy, worried, torn, unsure, restless, powerless, frustrated, a whole salad of nasty feelings. With dark images to go with. I wrote about the Big Monster before. It’s there again, engulfing me with its sliminess, and its ugly claws. There is no getting away from it. Maybe if I sit for a minute, I will calm down.
A little while ago, I read Matt’s post in 21st Century Citizen. He says he is not afraid. I am. I can’t stand so much left to chance. I am one of those people who is insured for everything. There is no insurance against global warming. The only thing that would appease my fears, is the knowledge that we have grasped the problem, and we know what we are doing, and there is some kind of master plan we are following. How do you get a whole planet to act in unisson? I need a sense of order. Not the current chaos, with lots of people agitating in many directions, all pretty much trying to do their thing. Here I am writing this blog, also trying to do my thing, just like hundreds of thousands of others. Blog Action Day represented a feeble attempt at unity. I am still not calmer. Need to still my thoughts, go with my breath.
Train roaring. Clock ticking. And then silent house . . . ‘Do the work, it will teach you’. The words from my art teacher, David Middlebrook, come to me. Could it be that I am feeling overwhelmed, because I have been too much in my head, thinking and writing about solutions, instead of going out in the world, and doing my work as a green citizen? I do feel the need to act, more and more. At a minimum, I can do my share and follow Green Guru’s footsteps. And then, the question. So what? if the rest of the world does not follow, what difference will it make? I keep going back to that same question. And again the danger of thinking too much, of trying to take on the challenge of the world, and imagining solutions? I need a vacation from my thoughts.