My good friend Christine has been looking for a present, for me. She was just at Anthropologie, my favorite store, but could not find anything. That’s fine, I tell her, I do not need, do not want anything. The urge has died. My wavering green conscience from a few months ago has grown strong now, and with it, the moral resolve to no longer participate in the further demise of our planet, whenever I can. I find this evolution of mine absolutely fascinating, and worth examining.
It was not that long ago, that I was a shopaholic. Revisiting my blog entries from last year, I wonder who is that person?:
April 23
Charlotte asked me to spend the day with her in San Francisco. She wants to see the Vivienne Westwood exhibit at the De Young, and then go shopping to H&M, with lunch in between. How could I possibly refuse? a day with my dear daughter all to myself. Plus, H&M is one of my favorite stores anyway. Once in the store, I am seized with a frenetic urge I know all too well. Gone my resolutions to no longer consume, my determination to boycot slave labor. Nothing is left, except guilt, that keeps nagging at me whenever I grab yet another dress, another cute top, another deal too good to pass up. The whole experience is a mixed bag of excitement, and disappointment. I am disappointed with myself for not being stronger, for giving in, once again. The spectacle of my other fellow shoppers, all shopping like mad, just like me, transport me for a minute in a place I would rather ignore. The earth has become dark, and a huge landfill with mountains of discarded clothes, that leave no more room for us to be and breathe. Charlotte calls me, she has found a white dress she wants me to look at. I push the fleeting image of doom into the recesses of my thinking brain. Charlotte and I are on a mission and nothing will stop us.
July3
The paper is filled with July 4th coupons. Will I go to Macy’s to take advantage of their incredible sales? The sight of my closet, overflowing with clothes should be enough of an answer. I really do not need anything. That’s besides the point, however. I, and most of the other women I know, do not shop because we need clothes. Shopping is just something to do when one is bored, or feeling a little down. It is called retail therapy.
August 3
I am a Target addict. It only took reading one small blurb in Jane magazine, about the upcoming release of Dominique Cohen for Target jewelry collection, to send me scouring through the Target website. I could feel the rush of anticipation, and while I was at it, I did a run through of the entire site, looking for other designer items at Target prices. Handbags, shoes, clothes, other jewelry, I did not miss a thing. How ironic, after I wrote this glorious post yesterday about wanting to become a buddhist! I started feeling guilty. Quickly, my mind fabricated an elaborate rationale for why I should be so obsessed with shopping. It said, you are a woman, you have been biologically programmed to want to adorn yourself, so you can better seduce your mate.
Now, what used to give me transient pleasure has become repulsive. The mere thought of going to Anthropologie and perusing the racks fills me with sadness. About our planet. About all the other women I see shopping still, seemingly oblivious to the consequences of their actions. Maybe they have not seen The Story of Stuff? Maybe their conscience is as mine was, whispering guilt laden words, but not loud enough yet to stop them?
I have to wonder, what is it that spurred this transformation to pure green eco-worrier? Wouldn’t it be nice to discover the secret elixir for green-ness? Noticing, and writing about my daily green sins certainly helped me become more conscious, a lot more conscious. No change in my behavior, that I could notice a first, however. No, it just took time. Time to pay attention, time to take in insights from fellow bloggers, time to watch heavy duty videos like The Story of Stuff. Time to stare at scary facts. Time for it all to sink in, down into my core. It was not one single thing that did it, but rather the combination of all that I let in. And the repetition over and over of the same message, that there is no way out of this predicament, and that it will take no less than all of us making changes in order for the planet to heal.
La Marguerite 
It’s interesting the way your mindset changes over time, isn’t it? This month’s Ecologist Magazine (http://www.theecologist.org/current.asp) has two articles that say roughly the same thing. Unfortunately, they won’t be online for a couple of months so if I remember I’ll email the URLs to you when they appear.
The first is an article by John Raith, author of ‘Enough: Breaking free from the world of more’. In it, he examines whether humans are evolutionarily programmed to accumulate goods and wealth and whether we can break the cycle. He also briefly mentions why celebrity endorsements are so powerful, which is all to do with, well, power!
The second is a comment piece by the actor Robert Llewellyn. He’s just spent a year not buying anything new. He though he would have a huge splurge at the end of his year, and indeed had been making lists of things to buy. He couldn’t quite do it, though. Like you, shopping has become somewhat repulsive to him.
Great post. I have a few comments for consideration:
First, is there such a thing yet as a green psychotherapist?
Second, it sounds like you are ready for the next transition from Eco-Worrier to Eco-Warrior!
Third (and more seriously), I agree that reflecting on, thinking about, and analyzing the transition you talk about can lead to very important insights regarding the personal journey AND can also lead to important insights regarding how to help others along that journey. Several things in the blog in the last few weeks shed a lot of light on the green “marketing” task, using the word here in a genuine and well-meaning sort of way.
Fourth, just so the audience knows, men also, of course, have various forms of shopping-for-therapy’s-sake. Often for me, it’s the book store, or the music store, or the hardware store. If books and CDs are green, or can be made green, I’m in good shape.
Finally, I had an experience this very morning that I’d like to share: While buying my morning beverage, a young lady, probably in her mid twenties, commented on my hat, an Obama hat in this case. But, out of the blue, after about 3 seconds of completely casual discussion, she said that she liked many of the Democratic policies but that she couldn’t vote that way because, after all, her husband would be angry with her if she didn’t vote for a Republican candidate. She was a nice lady, but her comment amazed me. I wonder, how many people feel real, serious “pressure” from their spouses to vote a certain way?
Cheers.
I love this post and I love your honesty, Marguerite. And you captured something that has happened to me, also. Though I must admit I had to finally break down and go to the Gap to buy some new jeans, only after I attempted to sew (which I never used to do) the rips and tears from my piercing gardening sheers and all the repeat washings. But I found myself braving the trip to the Gap the same way I used to enter a bar when I was first became sober. It requires a real sense of self, a consciousness, an awareness that includes ordering myself not to succumb to any of it. Like you, my interest in the well being of this planet has grown exponentially so I am now almost hypervigilantly conscious of everything I do. Do I really need that cardboard cup of coffee? Now I take my own china down to buy my salad to go. No more styrafoam boxes. I tell the clerks styrafoam doesn’t decompose, therefore may I use my own plate from now on, which they’ve allowed me to do. I’ve insisted Safeway discard their plastic bags. Even before entering the mall, I made my eyes stay focused straight ahead. I know exactly where the Gap is so allowing my eyes to stray to the seductively arranged “stuff” is a “no more” for me. I used to be lured by the colors of spring dressing a pretty manequin, I’d buy things on impulse. I too have a closet filled with unused clothes. Though honestly I’m still conflicted on how to discard those items due to the expenditure. I’m an outdoor woman who lives in gortex, jeans and hiking boots. I need nothing else at all. Truly.
When I walked into the Gap, I said, “Go in, get out. Go in, get out. That’s it, don’t look at anything else”. And I did after which I sighed a great breath of relief. Two new pairs of jeans in one year is not too bad. I’m actually loving this attempt at minimilism now. It feels really good. As good as walking out with a salad on a plate I can reuse.
Thank you, Marguerite. I do wonder, honestly, how will we begin to gear jobs, merchandising, sales, if you will, away from “stuff” and more toward healthier living?
Thanks,
Elizabeth Tjader
Thanks all for your comments. Cowrin, I just went on your blog and loved your post about ‘Hug a Treehugger’. You Brits are going crazy with green. We, here in the States would do well to join you in your zaniness!
Elizabeth, it’s interesting that you still have to protect yourself from your urges. The funny thing with me, is I no longer have to. The urges are just gone. Two months ago, I could still feel some stirrings. Sounds like born again stuff, but it is true 🙂
Jeff, I appreciate your comment about the role of couple dynamics in shaping individual behaviors. And agree it is a subject worth exploring further. I may write about it some time in the near future.
Marguerite, when I found the following links I thought of you as you are doing so much great blogging about carbon emissions.
http://www.tearfund.org/Churches/Carbon+fast+new/
http://www.episcopalcafe.com/daily/environment/a_carbon_fast_for_lent_1.php#more
The Church of England is promoting a carbon fast, starting of course yesterday. It’s a really well thought out campaign in 40 days with step-by-step instructions. You can even sign up for daily emails.
Not just for Christians during Lent, anyone could join this fast and just think what a difference it would make!
Lynn
http://www.organicmania.com
This is great Lynn, and as I mentioned in my email, perfect for the article I was planning to publish tomorrow.
LaM, re “…..the urgency of the climate fight and the fact that we are only some 3600 days away from a point of no return. ” that you posted on Dot Earth, wonderful post. Where did you get that figure of 3600 days to PONR? (not PORN but PONR)!
From Mark Lynas? where? it’s a good way to focus. l like it.
As for your post above, it’s very interesting to see how you changed. you need to tell more people about this transformation and get others to join u. you have a good grasp of this situation……….i really enjoyed reading that!
Danny
LaM,
two things:
1. you should send this above post of your to Colin Beavan the guy in NYC who has the NOIMPACTMAN.com blog, i think you and he would have a lot to say to each other. have you seen his blog? has book coming soon too.
2.
I was thinking during this long Chinese New Year period here in
Taiwan — 6 days off, the entire nation on holiday — wouldn’t it be
nice if some enterprising editor at a small newspaper or a big one
even, like the Seattle paper or the SF Chronicle or the Boston Globe
or a small paper in Iowa, anywere, wouldn’t it be nicem and an
interesting trend, if instead of giving readers 4 pages of sports news
every day, they cut the sports coverage down to 3 pages and gave one
page every day to climate change issues, both pro and con, balanced
coverage. I mean, if we are indeed at “war” now with global WARming,
as many scientists say we are, and if we are indeed at the beginning
of a Long Emergency, and this is World War Z (maybe Z stands for
“sleepwalking”) — shouldn’t the newspapers of this world start
running daily CLIMATE CHANGE pages? To inform, and alert, and raise
awareness?
I would love to see one small paper start this trend. I know the New
York Times cannot do this, it has too many things to do as it is, but
a small paper in a rural area or a small city, an aware editor could
ask his staff to put out a daily climate change page, with wire
reports and a few local stories, and if one page is not enough, make
it two pages. Who needs four pages of sports? Let sports fans go to
the Internet and TV for their news, since it is action news. Let some
newspapers start climate change sections, on a daily basis. Good idea?
Of course, if 90 percent of readers believed that global warming was a
problem, a real problem, then newspapers would do this. But since 90
percent of readers are sleepingwalking through the apocalypse that’s
about to be, life goes on, newspapers do not cover climate change a
full beat, and we go on with our consumer lifestyle lives, planning
for the next vacation in the 100 must-see places of the world, buying
the latest e-gadget and consuming the Earth as best we can, as if
there’s no tomorrow.
And maybe there won’t be much a tomorrow if we keep this up. So how
about some enterprising newspaper in the USA or UK putting out a daily
climate change section, one page or two, and cutting back on the other
trivial news stuff? Does anyone know of any newspaper doing this yet?
If we can encourage one paper to do this, others might follow.
We are at war with this planet we call home. The newspapers should be
covering this way, daily. The blogosphere is doing it well, but it’s
so spread out that it’s hard to focus on all the blogs. A good
newspaper section, daily in print and online, would be telling. Who
will start this?
Just last night, I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine’s Day coming up. She is also an Eco-Worrier. She replied, “I don’t want anything.” Sure, she’s said this before. This time, I really believe here, though. I’d love to get her a nice present, so I am looking into some green alternatives…we’re very familiar with the your feelings of being an “Eco-Worrier.”
-Jason
http://www.screamtobegreen.com
Dan, I got the 3600 from post I wrote earlier on another scary global warming video, called 3650. For 10 years times 365 days, that is the approximate point of no return for irreversible global warming if we do nothing.
I do know about No Impact Man. Used to follow his blog. I do comment on it and refer to him on this blog once in a while. I must say I am a bit bothered by all the publicity surrounding his experiment. For me it raises questions about the authenticity of his enterprise. I also wonder what that will accomplish in the end.
Regarding your idea of devoting space to global warming in newspapers, I think you have a valid point. I am not sure editors would go for it. I am working on a project with a similar goal, using different strategy. The idea is to form a coalition of actors who can implement a climate fight ad campaign nationally. I am writing the proposal as we speak, and have started conversations with several ad agencies that might be interested in doing environmental service work on pro bono basis. A friend suggested we might propose various media (newspapers, radio and TV networks, etc) carbon offsets in return for ‘free media space’.
Jason, this is an interesting dilemma . . . I went straight to, how about vintage jewelry? I don’t know about your budget, but being green girls does not mean we can’t still fall for a heartfelt present in the form of a bauble! Organic, locally grown flowers are also great, as are more experiential type of presents, as a getaway weekend – if you want to stay pure green, it will have to be by train or bike 🙂
Marguerite –
I left it very vague b/c my wife reads your blog 🙂 I can’t give away anything I do decide. Thanks for the suggestions. Previously owned is definitely on the list of possibilities.
Maybe I’ll check back in next Friday 🙂
-Jason
http://www.screamtobegreen.com
I will be happy to help!
LaM,
I will look up that 3600 video. Thanks for the heads up.
RE: No Impact Man. ….You said: “I am a bit bothered by all the publicity surrounding his experiment. For me it raises questions about the authenticity of his enterprise. I also wonder what that will accomplish in the end.”
It’s a good point to raise and I see your point. I have been following his work online in his blog and in the copious media coverage he is getting. And email back and forth with him, too. A good man, I believe. On the PR stuff, I think the fact that he is living in New York City, and the big papers and media centers are there, is the reason he is getting such tremendous PR for his blog and upcoming book. If he was doing this in Iowa, without a book agent or book contract, nobody would notice, other than his local rural newspaper. But once the New York Times wrote about him last year, the PR floodgates opened up. That’s all. Pure good fortune and good luck and GOOD LOCATION. remember it;s location location location….smile
good luck with your ad project. sounds very good. and important. go go go
— danny
I wrote this blog post idea for the graduating class at Stanford in the year 2099. Any ideas to add. it is still in beta format….
it’s a virtual graduation speech to the graduating class at Stanford in the year 2099…..
http://standford2099.blogspot.com/
http://standford2099.blogspot.com/
Thanks Dan. See my comment on your blog. Did you see Simon Donner’s letter that was part of desmogblog 100 years letter project?
Thanks, Marguerite, for your post on my blog.
Yes, I read those 100 years later letters on the desmogblog last year, especially Simon Donner’s and I sent in one myself. So the seed of the idea was germinating in my mind unconciously since then. Then one day last week, after an afternoon nap, which is when i get all my good ideas, I had an idea to write a virtual graduation speech for 2099 ….so i wrote that …… Sent to the green club there, and also to the president now. He wrote back: “I’m all ears….” when I asked him if he’d like to see it.
I had the idea that there could be this kind of 2099 virtual graduation speech as a call to action NOW ….not so much as a time capsule…….who knows if anyone will be around in 2099? …..The time to act is NOW. so this speech is a PR tool to call for action NOW…..in 2008! There is no time to lose……
SIGH
Jason and Marguerite –
I know that Valtentine’s Day is just days away. I wanted to suggest an eco-friendly and super unique option: Vosege Haut-Chocolat. They use renewable energy, organic products, sustainable packing materials, and recycled gift boxes.
Even better, until Feb you can get a 10% discount as an ecosceneinc.com subscriber (shamless plug — but one that saves you money, right?)
Aimee
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