It happened last night, as I was getting dinner ready. Guests were coming in an hour, and the chocolate dessert was not even made, and I had run out of sugar. What to do? The thought of driving four blocks to the nearby grocery store felt sacrilegious. Biking or walking were my next options, but then I didn’t feel I could afford to spend the extra few minutes. In desperation, the brilliant revelation came to me, that I did not have to go very far. How about running across the street to our neighbors’ house? Sure enough, a few minutes later, I was back with the prized sugar. And the satisfaction of having caught up with Steve and the kids.
That’s when it hit me. How alienated I have become from the physical community called my neighborhood. Things that were second nature to my grandparents, such as neighbors helping each other out, are no longer part of my DNA. Wiped out, by a lifestyle that promotes self-reliance at all costs and diverts much of our socializing urges into virtual networks, such as Twitter.
La Marguerite 
Good points Marguerite and as usual, beautifully written. I think we need a balance.
I can talk to my neighbors about lots of things that we have in common (property taxes, development in the area, gardening, etc.).
However they aren’t tuned in to the creative, environmental, or leading-edge technical stuff that the people I connect with on social networks are passionate about.
I need both to be happy — how wonderful to connect with you in California while I work in Toronto. Neighbors are great but they are not a replacement for my web friends.
Personally I’d love to have all our neighbors on an online social network. It would make it easier to get to know each other (“What was his name again?”) and easier to keep in touch.
An important reason for the rise of social networks is that you can be social while doing other stuff. You don’t actually have to meet someplace, and give each other full attention for an hour or more. Not to say that that is bad, but lots of people don’t like to spend all their free time like that.
“they aren’t tuned in to the creative, environmental, or leading-edge technical stuff that the people I connect with on social networks are passionate about.”
That’s THE reason for online social networks… Meet like-minded folks. And in case of us, I think it’s really important to seek out each other, because otherwise you can feel quite isolated. I think most people here at La Marguerite are quite ahead of the pack.
I think you are onto something with this. I have taken the policy of going dark during the weekends and enjoy it very much. It helps me plug back into reality.
Marguerite, do you know Twitterlocal? It can show you tweets from within a mile of your home. Instant local community! Depends on what people have filled out as their location of course. The Adobe AIR app works really well.
For some, I guess, social networks can replace real community. For others, though, it is an addendum to real community. When I was recently in New York, I used Twitter with some friends who used to live there and got great directions and tips quickly. I also find that it is a great way to keep up with people from your past that you don’t see anymore for whatever reason. Social communities also allow the introvert to show their inner personality where they may have just sat in their rooms alone with no “human” interaction.
So I vote for a harmonious balance. I wouldn’t have found great people like yourself without this medium.
Be well!
-Jason
http://www.screamtobegreen.com
You say that perhaps online stuff takes you from face-to-face stuff. That’s certainly a danger, and does happen. But people were withdrawing from community long before computers or the internet were invented. I vaguely recall a book or study tracking how in the US as a particular neighbourhood filled up with televisions, participation in bowling clubs, Masonic lodges, sports teams and so on dropped. Western society is atomised.
Certainly online networks can make this worse. I’ve seen plenty of people online in forums saying, “oh but I don’t need to go out, you guys are my community!” and honestly I feel pity for them. But I think these are people who would have had trouble in 1988 before the internet, though whether they’d have had trouble in 1908 in some village is an open question.
But again I think we have to distinguish between “social networks” and “communities”. Ain’t the same thing. A “social network” is a group of like-minded people, or people who at least like one another and can get along without effort, it’s people you choose to hang around with.
A “community” is a bunch of people you hang around with whether you like it or not, and getting along with them takes effort. If someone online annoys me, I can just tell them to fuck off. If their comments on my blog displease me, I can delete them or ban them. In person I cannot tell people to fuck off without consequence, nor can I silence them if what they’re saying displeases me. I just have to figure out how to get along with them.
In this perhaps is the reason that some people get sucked into online stuff and become shut-ins. They lose practice in the skills of tolerance and getting along with people.
Within those communities are individuals who become your friends. Friendship hasn’t been studied much, what makes people become and stay friends. But I do remember that a study was done on an army recruit course, where a bunch of people are utter strangers, and they looked at who became friends, and what they had in common that made them friends. The biggest thing? Whether their surnames were close in the alphabet. Why? Well, they were put into bunks and rooms in alphabetical order.
Yep, you tend to befriend people you see a lot, and are much less likely to befriend someone you don’t see as much… So this suggests that friendship is part of community – daily practice in getting along with people.
But anyway, if you keep in mind that social networks, friendships and communities are all different things, then you can get from each what you need. I think that of the three, it’s easiest to do without social networks, rather than give up communities or friends, but people probably give up communities first and friends next – perhaps because of the effort involved in them.
Again, this isn’t just because of the internet.
Interesting point that Kiashu makes – that people probably give up communities first because of the effort involved in them. If the only people we exposed ourselves to reflected our same thoughts and opinions, we’d lose the opportunity to gain a different perspective. Social networking has its place but is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. ~ Daryl
For an online movement to be succesful, it’s important that the “community ethos” emphasizes an outward focus, e.g. evangelism. Without it, the community won’t grow, and won’t have meaning beyond the sense of belonging for the people involved initially.
I believe people can be part of multiple communities, e.g. their workplace, neighborhood, church, etc. The challenge for the green community is – amongst others – to bring in people they know who are part of one of their communities (work, neighborhood, church) into the green community.
I think that if taking part of a community feels as a chore, the community isn’t set up right. It’s better to join a new community (e.g. online) and then try to spread these values locally, so you have the same fun offline as you have online.
Very rich thread here! Thanks all!.
Kyle, regarding your point about friendship, I agree it is a social construct that deserves more attention. Most recent research on social networks showed the importance of friends as influencers, only second after spouse:
https://lamarguerite.wordpress.com/2008/05/23/greening-strategies-most-likely-to-succeed-in-groups/
Also, what seem to all allude to the importance of linking virtual and physical networks. This is an area where current networks could do a much better job, in my opinion.
as a recluse-by-marriage, i attest to the essential value of online relationships, were it not for my relatively new life online, i would not have met la Marguerite.
however i find myself staring at neighbor’s activities, wishing for simple discourse, fresh tomatoes plus handshake and miss warm communication.
it has become easier to enjoy the freedom of timing, place and attire; robe or disrobe–noon or midnight– france or australia ? literary or green-ery?
today, green, franco-american, personal-light, with scientific back-up, coffee with chicory, full length denim dress and wooden bangles, i have to drop stumbles and diggs, i don’t read fast enough to peruse all; help i am drowning in my writing.
I am with you Nadine, all those diggs and stumbles had the best of me, for a while, until I decided to drop out of the SEM race, and to go back to what I enjoy most, writing, engaging in thoughtful explorations with other concerned souls like yourself, and simply living, laughing, getting mad, playing, cooking, talking to real people.
At some point, one has to stay stop to the flurry of online social solicitations. This goes back to Goeff’s earlier comment.
I find that I gravitate towards other green enthusiasts on social networks and community involvement is more important to them and so in my experience I have not lost touch in that respect. I would say I am held accountable NOT to forget my community and my “work” as a good human.
Social networks as prompts to stay engaged in real communities . . . I like that!
And it’s fun when real life and social media they intersect. My neighbor is a blogger who convinced me to try Twitter. She got me on Twitter over a glass of wine! Now that’s true intersection of social media and real communities!
You mean, I wasn’t the one to convince you with my virtual Twitter nudge?:)
Coincidentally, I just wrote a short post on my own blog about how my next door neighbor called me on the phone to rsvp for my graduation party (she can’t come, but that’s besides the point).
The community college I attend now (and will be graduating from in a week) is the closest school I have ever attended; I never attended the local elementary school. This meant that my parents have always driven me to school (or I have driven myself, like now). I never got to know neighborhood kids let alone my street neighbors and because of that, I hardly ever think of my street as a community of any sort.
Now, my reasoning of a lack of cohesion in our local neighborhoods isn’t because of the Internet or online social networks, but I do think the computer has made a large impact.
Cassie, you are making a great point. We have gradually moved away from being localized to decentralized, in large part due to cars. The end result is a breakdown of our most fundamental community, the place where we live. This is why neighbors have little influence over our behaviors, as found in recent research on social networks.
In the past, neighbors, friends, and co-workers were all the same, and we did not have to suffer from hyper-fragmentation as is the case now. I don’t know about you, but I simply don’t have the energy to cultivate all the real and virtual social networks, I ought to in order to not miss out. That is a huge problem, and Friendfeed is not the answer.
[…] is that it supports visions for a more sustainable world as well. This includes the need for strengthened communities, and some ideas such as David Holmgren’s permaculture that could be adapted to living in the […]
La Marguerite,
I’ve just found your blog and have become a follower of yours on twitter. I welcome you and others to follow me as I’m a new twitteree as of yesterday http://www.twitter/robinanderson
This is a great subject for discussion!
I’m 56, grew up in a country lake setting in Northern New Jersey. We had a very tight community but families still had their privacy.
Today it has changed and I believe it has more to do with the economy, now and in the past, as opposed to just cars.
When life was easier we didn’t have to travel far for work and women stayed home took care of the kids and the home.
Then women wanted to go out into the world and use their minds and make money. Women’s Liberation! Can’t blame them, I’m a woman and wanted the same.
Today it takes two adults working to have a home, raise a family and still struggle.
I believe that Social Networking is probably the best thing to happen in our society as we will need to re-connect with our neighbors as this economy is in dire straights, It’s effect has already left a mark.
I’m fortunate to live in Northern NH now in a medium to large sized town for NH’s standards.
My street/block has a neighborhood party every year to connect and catch up with each other (although we see each other often), one neighbor plows our driveways every snow storm. I supply my neighbors with vegetables from my garden, another smokes salmon in his smoke house, etc.
I realize that isn’t the norm at this time. I believe Social Networking is going to save us when times become more difficult.
I have a Social Network for NH and anyone interested in joining is very welcome, it’s: http://www.granitematrix.com.
We’ve been slow to start but we are coming together and sharing not just information but veggies, plants, good advice, and a few of us get together on a regular basis! I’ll have a classifieds next month and that will help people to sell, barter, etc.
I invite all of you because although you may not live in NH you will find a way to connect and be helped or help someone else, sometime in the future.
I also believe it’s important for the social networks to welcome expansion to others from other states and countries as we will all be helping each other with information that may not come through the news lines.
I can see this growing and eventually pulling all communities, from the macro to the micro, together especially when times get tougher this winter and in the future.
It is amazing how once the going gets tough people and communities will help each other if they have an outlet to help them to reconnect.
As for our Senior Citizens, they don’t really want to learn the internet, many don’t have the memory to keep up with computers and internet, many have but the ones that don’t will actually be more apt to contribute to a community as they did when they grew up with that lifestyle and will be able to give us great advice.
I personally believe that major changes are coming for the world and it’s so important to be Sustainable, Green and Community Oriented in order to survive these times, times that no one has ever witnessed before.
So, I encourage everyone to “Get Connected” with one or many social networks, not just my network, local and distant, increase your connections and friends knowing that we will all be of service to each other.
Blessings and Peace to Everyone,
Robin Anderson
http://www.GraniteMatrix.com