Posts Tagged ‘greed’

Every five minutes I click on Technorati and the stats page on my blog to check on my progress. All my work is starting to pay off, and I love looking at the steady upward climb on my starts chart. I am also getting caught in the trap of wanting even more. More hits, higher ranking. No Impact Man and Marc Andreessen both admitted to similar behaviors in some of their earlier posts. That I am in such respectable company does not make it any better. I am struggling with wanting more, again. This time, it is not material things, but success instead. Deep down, at the bottom, is greed. For now, I will just notice, and let it sit.

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As a green girl committed to confessing her daily sins, I thought it would be interesting to go down the list of the seven sins, and see which ones get me in trouble the most:


#1. Lust


A few days ago, the words Make Love, not War came to me in the midst of a walk. We are at war with the Earth. When will we start making love with it? We have lost our emotional connection with the Earth. I find it again, every time I go back home to my grandparents’ farm, in the Southwest of France. There, I have this incredible need to physically connect with the earth, to touch it and hold it in my hands. I have not gone back since the beginning of my mother’s illness two years ago, and I miss it terribly. La terre.


#2. Gluttony


Taken in its expanded version, as consuming more than one needs, I am definitely guilty of that one. I could live off what I already owns for years to come. Yet the thought of no longer being able to shop at my favorite spots – think Target, Anthropologie, H&M – triggers immediate withdrawal angst.


#3. Greed


Not giving into greed is another challenge. I live in Silicon Valley, where pretty much everyone I know is a millionaire, and working hard at gathering even more millions. The New York Times had an article on that very subject a few days ago. Closely linked to greed is the need to succeed, and to build some business venture of sorts. After years in dormancy, raising my children, I got the bug again, and am working hard at joining the startup bandwagon. I just came back from a lunch gathering for E2 (Environmental Entrepreneurs), and it was hard not to feel the rush, from all the potential opportunities.


#4. Sloth


Guilty there too. When it comes to practicing a green lifestyle, I can be incredibly lazy. I just love convenience, and always find a million of excuses for not making the extra effort. This morning again, I made the deliberate choice to spend an extra fifteen minutes writing in my blog, and driving to a meeting only a few blocks away, rather than forsaking the blog, and walking instead. Never mind the blog is all about trying to be green.


#5. Vengeance


I know this may seem kind of sick, but that is the truth. Sometimes, when I am angry, I literally take it on the Earth, and find an almost devious pleasure in ‘trashing’ small things that I know full well should be recycled. I am talking candy wrapper, not plastic bottle . . . Often in these moments, I get in touch with an energy that is much bigger than me, not just my personal anger. And I start thinking about all the other crimes that are being committed routinely, and on a much grander scale, against the Earth, all over the world.


# 6. Envy


Nothing comes to mind, for now, except maybe my desire to succeed, and to be yet another Silicon Valley success story. I have a hard time separating envy from greed. I can also come up with a lot of excuses for why I want so badly to be a part of the Silicon Valley gold rush. For a long time, I thought I was immune to the power of money. Years as a starving artist have changed my perspective. Money is not necessarily a bad thing. My dream is to make enough money to some day fund social and green ventures. In the mean time, I need to remain aware of all the pitfalls, and to be careful to walk the green talk.


# 7. Pride


I am old enough to no longer trust my ego completely. How pure are my motivations? I have these grandiose ideas of how I will help save the Earth. Ask me to stuff envelopes for an environmental cause, or to plant trees, or to be a good green steward at home, and you will find me a lot less enthused. I am a victim of the delusion that bigger ideas are better than a collection of small personal actions.


I like lists, they force me to clean house.

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