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Posts Tagged ‘guilt’

Sorting through the mess on my desk. I come across paper with old to-do-list, no longer relevant. Thought: ‘Look on the other side, see if it can be used.’ Back of paper is blank. Thought: ‘I should save paper to write on.’ I crumple the paper, and throw it into garbage can. There is something about starting fresh with a 100% virgin sheet of paper. I have toned down my habit quite a bit, and am usually pretty good at saving half used sheets. But in this case, Prad got these super thin sheets made out of recycled paper. They feel as if they can only handle one sided writing.

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The Green Bracelet from Simmons Jewelry is tempting me. It is hard to resist green malachite, rough diamond, and a little bit of gold, all thrown into a great looking bracelet, for a Green cause, and for only $125. Could it be that I can satisfy my shopping urges and do good, both at the same time? Green is becoming the new land of opportunities for marketers of all sorts. And a new outlet for the Green Wannabes like me, who still want to shop, but without the guilt. Which raises the question of, is it possible to be green and a consumer? Green citizen, yes. But green consumer? Sounds like the oxymoron of the twenty first century.

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When it comes to being green, most of us are a bunch of liers. For the real scoop, here is a very interesting study, that was just quoted in the Telegraph:

A study by Norwich Union discovered that seven in 10 regard appearing to be green as the new way of “keeping up with the Joneses”. Although more than half consider unethical living as much of a social taboo as drink driving, nine in 10 admit that they tell “little green lies” to exaggerate their commitment to saving the planet. More than 50 per cent say they are unlikely to alter their way of life despite pressure from the media, politicians and their children to be greener. Corinne Sweet, a psychologist, said: “We want to be good but often are too busy, or it seems too complicated, so we cut corners, or forget altogether and then feel guilty. “This can lead people to lie about their environmental actions, or even to give up trying altogether, as it all seems too much to pack into our already too busy 24/7 lives. “People then feel guilty when friends, family and neighbours seem so much better at being green. “Spending money is a traditional way of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ and is something most of us know how to do,” Miss Sweet added. “But being green, that’s a lot harder to work out and people are feeling a great deal of anxiety, irritation and fear that what they are doing is not enough or is wrong. Their anger can lead them to give up altogether and then be racked with green guilt.” Three-quarters of people feel most guilty about driving gas-guzzling 4x4s, while six in 10 rue wasting energy at home. More than half are ashamed of using plastic bags and the same number feel bad about not having a recycling bin, the survey found. Despite feeling sheepish, 40 per cent admit they are unlikely to check whether food and clothes are ethically produced, and admit to leaving electrical products on standby rather than switching them off. One in five say they have no idea how to be more green.

Shouln’t environmental organizations, be mulling over these numbers? Personal psychology plays such a huge role in the current climate crisis. I am reminded of my days as an advertising woman, when part of my job was to figure out “The Consumer”. We went to such great lengths to understand the motivations behind consumers’ attitudes and behaviors. Great advertising stories all start with this basic effort of getting into the consumers’ minds. Something to learn here.

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‘Chassez le naturel, il revient au galop’, the French saying goes. I looked it up in my French-English dictionary. ‘What’s bred in the bone will come out in the flesh’. What’s been bred in my bone, from birth, is a propensity to consume, and waste, and a disregard for the laws of nature. Yesterday, I became keenly aware of that reality. I was trying to accomplish lots, and in my haste, convenience became paramount. The green bags at Whole Foods, forgotten, not in the car. The drying the clothes on the rack, no time for it. I wanted to take care of several weeks of laundry, piled up, and I was not going to wait. I did four loads, and got the dryer running for most of the day. I could have planned my car trips better, but I was in a rush, and focused on each task, each errand, not the bigger picture. What’s coming out in my flesh is a behavior that does not make me proud. I am just a Green Girl Wannabe.

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My mind bustling with so many exciting projects, I forgot the green bags again. Prad had placed them on the door knob, as usual. Still, that was not enough for me to remember. Needless to say, I felt major guilt at the Whole Foods checkout counter. Tonight we are having a bid dinner party, so it was not just one, but six plastic bags, that I brought home.

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I am a Target addict. It only took reading one small blurb in Jane magazine, about the upcoming release of Dominique Cohen for Target jewelry collection, to send me scouring through the Target website. I could feel the rush of anticipation, and while I was at it, I did a run through of the entire site, looking for other designer items at Target prices. Handbags, shoes, clothes, other jewelry, I did not miss a thing. How ironic, after I wrote this glorious post yesterday about wanting to become a buddhist! I started feeling guilty. Quickly, my mind fabricated an elaborate rationale for why I should be so obsessed with shopping. It said, you are a woman, you have been biologically programmed to want to adorn yourself, so you can better seduce your mate.

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Alone in the house, for a change. Prad is still in Hawaii, and the children have left for the evening. I decided to indulge myself, and to heat the hot tub. The pleasure of relaxing, thoughts sliding away, after a cool dip into the pool. I deserve it. I don’t care, it just feels too good. Pleasure overrides any pang of guilt. I am too tired to think anyway.

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Why bother with a green blog? My earlier enthusiasm is waning. And so is my sense of urgency for the whole green problem. Too wrapped up in my own world, I lose sight of CO2 and all those other bad gases. I find it hard to sustain my awareness for things that I cannot see or feel. Here in beautiful California, life is good and nature has not snapped back yet, except for an occasional outburst of heat in the middle of winter. I feel guilty. I imagine all the green do gooders reading this blog and pointing fingers of contempt for my lack of conscience. And yet, this is my truth, and I am convinced there is some gold in there. What if part of the answer lied in the honest acknowledgement of one’s reality. Global warming is a man made problem, said the latest report. Man made starts with the person.

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For a split second, I had to decide: to put the damp towels from the wash machine into the dryer, or to hang them up to dry. I could hear Prad’s admonitions, I knew full well what would be best. The temptation was too great, though, the open door of the dryer calling me to just dump the damn things in there. And guess what, I went for the easy solution, too hurried I felt to walk the extra twenty feet to the next door mechanical room with our makeshift drying rack. What difference would one hour in the dryer make?

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