Posts Tagged ‘guilt’

What will it take for me to remember to bring the reusable bags to Whole Foods? That one is a real hard one. On my way back from Foothill, I decided to swing by Whole Foods to do some last minute grocery shopping, just to be efficient. Of course, the bags were not in the car. While waiting in line at the checkout counter, the magazine cover dares me with its headline, “In 93 years, half of the earth species will be instinct”. Now I feel really guilty. The clerk seems oblivious to my internal battle. And the bagger does not realize the effect of his “Paper or plastic”, on my already fragile mental state. To assuage my guilt, I instruct him to please use only one plastic bag. I will carry the eggs and the loaf of bread. I quickly scan the crowd , secretly hoping to find other sinners like me, without the glorious green bags in hand.

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Filled with motherly love, I woke up this morning determined to dazzle Catherine with a breakfast extavaganza. Nothing spared. My green conscience, Prad that is, had not woken up yet, but I could hear his voice. Why are you making so much? She never has time to eat her breakfast. Why are you wasting? Still, I had to do it. One English muffin, both halves, toasted. A full cup of hot chocolate milk. An orange from our garden, cut up nicely. Goat cheese from France, it’s made near my grandmother’s village, so I can’t resist. Smoked salmon. Mixed berry jam, and butter. I was pleased with my efforts. It all looked nice on the table. Waiting for my daughter to show up and enjoy. Of course, she showed up at the last minute, pushing the two muffin halves and half of the orange onto a plate, for her to eat in the car. Upon my return, I felt guilty about the cup of chocolate milk, untouched, daring me at the center of the table. The thought brushed me, of drinking it, but then, I had used whole milk, and my strict diet won’t allow. The kitchen sink became the scene of yet another crime, the dumping of a whole cup of chocolate milk. Not good. I started thinking of the cows, eating the corn, and the corn crops depleting the earth, and of the slave labor used to harvest the sugar and the cocoa. Still, I found comfort in the organic orange from our garden. How much more green can you get?

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