Why do I not really care? I wanted to get down to the bottom of my heart, reach into the recesses of my brain, for answers. Become zen for a moment. I resisted at first, found a thousand excuses for not listening. I had picked the wrong time, the wrong place. Saturday morning, breakfast in the kitchen. The distraction of Prad and Alex joking around kept pulling me away. I sent them out for a walk with the dog. Finally, I was alone, and in the stillness, I found a few treasures.
“Paper or plastic”. What will it take for me to remember the green bags? Even when they are in the trunk of my car, and I forget to take them with me to the store, there is that split second moment at the counter, when I need to decide: to go back to the car and get the bag, or to just go along with the clerk’s request. What happens when I choose the lazy way? What makes me go for “Plastic please”? My first thought is, why bother, such a small thing, it will not make a difference. The global warming problem is so huge. One little extra plastic bag, I can get away with it. Leave it up to the powers in charge, the heads of States, the big businesses, to come up with the big solutions. I do not intimately believe in the power of my individual actions. There is also the issue of, even if I do my share, what difference will it make, if others don’t join? Also, I am secretly hoping, that others will take care of the problem, so I do not have to give up even just a little bit of my personal comfort. Can I cheat, can I have my cake and eat it too? I am very attached to my life as I have known it in America. Things I do not really want to give up: long hot showers, letting water running while I work at the kitchen sink, using the dryer to dry our clothes, the convenience of plastic bags, shopping for clothes whenever I feel like it, plane travel, printing indiscriminately on one side of the paper, our two daily papers, not having to unplug and restart my computer each time, paying my bills using snail mail, living in my big house, being a dilettante recycler.
It all boils down to a short term personal balance sheet. What am I willing to give up in terms of personal comfort, in return for a relatively minuscule, and mostly unacknowledged, contribution to the larger pie?
I love this post–it’s perfect. these are the questions we are all asking when we start to change the way we live. But our choices do matter. We rarely look at it the other way around, we rarely say, wow, I guess using plastic bags all these years really HAS made a difference–look at the problems we’re now having with plastic bags!
Thanks for the post!
[…] chronicles this growing awareness around how we live and what the impact is. The post called “Why” is so interesting–it’s an earlier one where she wonders what I’m sure just about […]
A very thought provoking post. I was wondering why you posed the question the way that you did – why you don’t care. In reading your blog, it seems obvious that you do care, or at least you see a need for concern. Sure, sacrifice sucks. Especially if there is no guarantee that others will have to sacrifice as well in order to benefit from our sacrifices. However, sacrifice really only sucks when no good comes of it.
IMHO our decision about how to approach changing our lifestyle to become more sustainable and earth friendly is a very personal one. Each of us has our own set of circumstances to deal with which either limit or facilitate our ability to become more ecologically responsible. Do what your circumstances and psyche will allow you to do, and feel good about it. Stay within your comfort zone. Don’t try to be perfect. Try to find joy in contributing in any small way that you can. Grow your efforts at your own rate – old habits die hard. Don’t judge yourself or compare yourself to others. You and your situation are unique.
Hang in there – & try to have some fun at the same time. You should be commended for your efforts. Keep in mind, that we all contribute continuously, in one way or another, to the larger pie. The goal is to try to make our contributions positive ones and not negative ones.
[…] manteau-rao presents Why? posted at La Marguerite, saying “Down, down, towards higher consciousness, from a green girl […]
Thanks for including ‘Why’ in your carnival. I feel honored to join such a group of bloggers, all trying to raise the consciousness bar a notch.
[…] goes on in my brain during those split seconds, when I decide to not follow my green conscience. Several times before, I have tried to revisit similar moments, to grasp the thoughts, the feelings, that trigger […]
[…] goes on in my brain during those split seconds, when I decide to not follow my green conscience. Several times before, I have tried to revisit similar moments, to grasp the thoughts, the feelings, that trigger […]
What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious knowledge regarding unexpected emotions.